I HAVE A DAD.








friendly reminder
that you aren't my fucking parents

and who the fuck says just because i'm a girl you can reduce me to the standards of a ten year old?







no one reads this.
and if you do, tell me.
because dropping words into an abyss of nothingness makes me feel even more like a scared little person

like the kid down the block who strangles his dog because some fuckers messed with him at school.






trust is a funny thing.
i feel like it's going to be awhile before i get trust back from my family.
as in years.

and yet my boyfriend expects instant trust.
at least i understand the concept clearly.
respect, loyalty, honesty. it's like the big melting pot of trust.


if you're reading this, yes, you. tell me.

or i'll delete this like i deleted everything else.
and i'll find a better way
i'll decorate the highway with my shallow angst
and lack of nicknames or originality
like bring it on 6 previews
and when you're driving home from work
you'll know i had a bad day
and you'll feel like shit too.

i don't know how i say it
and i don't know what to do

has record highs and record lows.

i'm ready for it.
i'm so fucking ready.
:]



i'm going to buy myself a car,
move out into a friends house,
start tattooing,
maybe pushing.
keep my job.
and i'm going to get things rolling.

i can do this.
i just need to keep you, and i'll be ready for anything.
i have you, i need you.

eleven hydrocodone and a heavy heart.
every part of me wants to wake up tomorrow and see you.
but i wasn't so hopeful an hour ago.
and i regret taking all of them.
but it makes me wonder if i could have changed your mind if i was sober.
i don't think i could have.

pretty ironic.
i love you, i really do.

I guess.

lol so i can't type for shit right now

it took me like three minutes just to type that one stupid sentence hahahah

so i'll make this short and sweet.


I remember getting ant bites all over my butt sitting on the grass for hours. The night you cried, the night I stood outside waiting for you, when I wanted to kill myself because I hated who I was so much.
I remember you drove me home, and I kissed you. And things we're golden.

and now your gold is rusted,
my eyes are dry and I'm happy to find something else to keep me warm.

because you should never play with dead things.

but if something crazy happens, like a meteor hits your house,
or you die for a few minutes and come back,
if you're threatened with your life and suddenly blood starts running through your veins again
and you feel like being someone again, i'm here.

but for now there's so much out there living, breathing, moving, playing, laughing


"there's a pitiful life that's lived in a manner of houses and cars
but an unparalleled life that's lived inside the comfort of the sky and the stars"

jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj